You lost all of me

You lost the sweetness

You lost the innocent admiration

You lost the deep worship

You lost the devotion

You lost all of me

Still my tender heart ache for you

Not as the mistress or slut

But the soft, kind sub

That feels You so deeply

Beneath the hurt you give

Beneath the strange misunderstandings

Beneath your lack of capacity

You are not well

Maybe you are sick

Broken even

Unseen

Unmet

Despite all of your doings

And work

Your nerves system somehow left behind

In between the mushroom trip and group retreats

Why open the doors so violently?

Why use a sledgehammer when you need tender?

You are like a stray dog. Lost. Broken. Hurt beyond imagination. Dead afraid to be seen fully.

Hiding in plain sight.

Your personas

Your masks

Your charisma.

I feel you

I can't help it

I feel you

Your illness pouring out from your words

I know illness

The limitations of understanding others

Consumed by your condition and pain

Me, me me

But it's hidden

Because you are here to save the world

Aren't you?

---

And yes I have found my peace. My last email to Him was me laying down the sword once and for all. Now He knows. The hurt and the pain are healing. I'm moving on. I wish you peace. Always with love and respect