Full Moon Blessings

Oh my aching heart. My tender body. I so want a man. Touch. Kisses. To be fucked wide open.  I long for facing life together. To be each others safe haven, place to grow and connect back to our bodies over and over again. I'm so deeply grateful for the last man that waked me. The deeply felt feeling in my body of reality. Not the fantasy. Not the dream. But a profound wake up call. Deep penetration of the truth. The relating part. The realness of how to realte properly. Without my own expectations of who I want him to be. Me actively stepping down and almost sitting on my hands. Actively setting him free, even when the energy and spark was so very real. To swim in his presence. Dancing just for him. It was delicious. The naughty innocent. And to let it all go. With a wide open heart. With a soft body. Aching in my desire and confronted with the reality. It's up to him and up to any man I truly desire,  to choose. To choose me. To choose us. It's how relating actually work.

It's so vulnerable. I feel so ready. So terrified. So tender. I want a man and life still refuses me that deep longing and desire. I don't understand it. I don't get it. I have collapsed. I have cried. Yelled. Cursed and screamed. It feels deeply unfair. It feels personal. Why can't I be met? What is wrong with me? With the world? With the timing? Why!? It feels like waisting my time. It feels devastating.

Oh yes, the whole spectrum of emotions. Off course life is easier. Simpler. Less complicated. A whole, glorious human male take up space and time on every level. That's the raw truth of relating. It requires capacity. Room. Space and actual time and effort. That's the reality. Do I really have the time and capacity? Probably not. So I deeply understand he has to be worth it. As a human he is always worthy. But on a relating level, he actually has to be able to add value to my life. And of course the other way around.

I so deeply get it why so many people choose to stay single. It's easier. The downsides are far less vulnerable than actually admitting the deep need to relate real and raw. To be seen fully by another human.

So yes, it's the whole freaking spectrum of pro and cons. I have felt it all it seems. And I'll never tell you that I'm better of alone. I'm not. I do have a good life. I'm thriving. Life is truly good and beautiful. And I'm a greedy little woman. I want him too. To add to each others happiness and growth. To co regulate. To face everyday life stronger and more harmonious because we have each other. I want a good, generous,  healthy man with capacity. A man that clearly and honestly chooses me and us. Under this Harvest Moon, see me, feel me, approach me. Amen