Be brave silly

It's actually hilarious when life takes me out of my head and fantasies. I freak out. Massively. Yes. No. Maybe. Fuck yes. Oh damn no! I so want a man. And then I totally try to convince myself that life is better without. All my hidden anxieties, old fear and new fears are kind of flooding my system. Oh dang girl. You are so way ahead of yourself. Chill. Breath.

I like people easily. But I rarely feel attraction. That freaks me out. Big time. So yes, I adore him. I want to be completely myself and just enjoy and embrace whatever happens now. And I want to run for the hills. Screaming. Fuck. And I want to tease him for the rest of my life because his smile is so gorgeous. How he lights up when he is laughing. I'm curious what kind of a lover he is. What kind of man and human. We share quite much and we are at the same stage in life. Divorced with teenagers.

After a week since I saw and talked to him, I'm kind of convincing myself "whatever! I don't care" Haha as if. I'm intrigued. I'm awake. My body knows. People complimenting me for glowing and be radiant. But yeah the first stage is very real. Do he like me at all? Do we have the capacity to actually explore anything? We are both tired and slightly beaten by life. Relationships are glorious and messy. Takes time and effort. Everything gets more complex with a man. For better and worse. It's just the way it is.

It takes tons of courage and a huge amount of curiosity to stay brave and open in it. Maybe I'm just making a huge fool of myself. Haha, The mighty Anders Odden reminded me yesterday from stage of playing with his band Cadaver. Don't give a fuck!!! Dare. Jump. Life is short and precious. Embrace everything. Maybe I'm making a big fool out of myself. Hot blooded and turned on as I am. And so what? To dare to go for what I desire is courageous path.

So I'm opening up for everything good and real. Honest and raw. To let life fuck me wide open and to fill me up with real life magic I didn't knew was possible. Relationships are why I'm here. To my friends. To my kids. To a man I belong to.

Connection is God. We so need each other. Amen.