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To sink deeply into my dark

Why always doing the hard way? Maybe love could be easy or at least way easier? Why fall in love with impossible circumstances and long distance? When love suddenly shows up on my doorstep and eiger to embrace me as I am. Can I truly find myself worthy of "easy" love? The love that want to find time, that want to touch my body and love me right. Do I dare to say yes and still let my inner knowing guide me? I wasn't prepared for this kind of love. Not yet. Do I dare to say yes and still take it slow? Do I dare to be open and be seen and still withdrawn to my own space and hold myself without closing? All this tender spaces in me while I awake and honour the beast in him. He is in awe of the permission to embrace his dark, his wild, his primal. He feel the old shame of being wrong. His word is drenched with the vulnerability of being shut down over and over again. He sinks into my dark. He feels at home in my darkness. I'm not sweet or innocent. I love my bruises and marks. I love the pain and the wild fucking. My own inner world gives the same raw fantasies of forbidden, dark erotic play. Fuck me to death and make me beg for it.

My heart aches. My body needs time. My dark nature has drawn him in. Do I dare to kneel and obey? To let the love on my doorstep in? Suddenly it isn't just concepts or dreams. It's hands on. The ocean is suddenly just the fjord. Words and promises given. And kept. Is it now I truly should say thank you for destroying me? For making me so broken and destroyed that nothing is left? Of me? Of course something is left. I'm still breathing. I still remember my past. But somehow you destroyed me and you made that journey to Hades very real. I had to face my darkness as never before. Bleeding. Broken. Crushed. And then love knocked on my door. Just because.. why not? Because life wants to show me how to feel even deeper. Even more raw. Why not make my body even more vulnerable? Why not just push me even deeper into my fears and old pain? Why not? So I can truly know my darkness when love wants to embrace me. When I know that I'm expanding and growing. When he demands to protect me, provide and serve me. When he wants me when I'm confused and tired. In a mess and not put together. When I have to let go of the fantasies and be confronted with reality. Someone wants to love me and do I find myself worthy? When my heart remember Him and to know He is a part of me, maybe forever. Can I still expand and know that my capacity to receive and receive love is way bigger than my limitations of thoughts? Do I dare to say yes to easy love and let myself be held, loved, devoured and taken because he wants to? Big exhale. This wild wild journey of life. Messy. Painful. Glorious. Real. Raw. Thank you. I love you. Always.

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