Sunday Service

Rituals. Dark, luscious, wordless, felt in the body. Grunts. Moans. Scream. Tears. The sweet sting of pain from the melting wax. Squirt. Sweat. Fluids. Melting. Out of control. Ecstasy.

And I'm reading

It's fascinating to read about the new paradigm of Christianity. Feeling deeply into my roots as a born and raised Christian. The Norwegian priest is good in his claim of human consciousness taking us further and evolving us also on a spiritual level. At the same time I read about the female body, our network of arousal, cycle and pleasure. Together It's just so fucking wholesome. I love how it's easily melting together. To become even more the holy whore. The holy Madonna. The slut and the Saint. It's no opposite. Spirit in flesh.

The split in me is healing. My religious roots are deeping into the dark, fertile knowing. It takes me back but with a new awaken awareness how arrogant I have been in believing I can ignore my spiritual and religious life. In general it amazes me how arrogant we are in the modern world. For ever, since the first time we stepped out from the caves, we needed the spiritual aspect to understand the world around us and inside us. It's primal. Like our nervous system, or to mate. Yes we evolve. We change. But still our primal being need something to hold on to when we aren't capable to understand the world around us or inside us. Yes I believe in therapy. I believe in science. It's all crucial to understand. But, and, we have this part our brain that actually needs to be part of something meaningful and bigger than myself. As we are hard wired for human connection and touch. For me it isn't opposite. Science and our need to embrace the mystical, spiritual and profound. I know atheists will claim me wrong and call me dead wrong. On the other hand, poetry, art, music, dance are all part of the spiritual realm. Human connection is spiritual. Connection is God. Sometimes we get stuck in the words and labels.

AND I'm going to admit, I do cring hard and have so much issues calling anything spiritual. I love to name it deep psychology. Jungian Psychology. But I have to bow down, let go of my own awkwardness around the spiritual. It's non matter. In fact we are way more empty space than solid mass. ( Oppenheimer knew) so what are all this empty spaces? Energy. Spirit. Spaces. And emptiness doesn't exist in this realm, it's just things we still don't know about. Learn about atoms, physics, astro physics, the universe and it becomes beauty and poetry. Stuff of legends and myths. This glorious life! This ever floating waves of knowing and ignorance.

So I return to my body. Open myself to the deep penetration of Him. I feel him ever present. Always leading me deeper. Always keeping me open, wet and wild. Turned on. Moving my waters. Creating. Expanding. Closing. Softing. Relaxing

Whole.