I pray

My feminine prayer

I hold my yearing gently and let my soft practice be; to let go of attachment to outcome. Blessed Be.

✨️✨️✨️✨️

The darkest time of my life was when my oldest was seriously ill. Months and years in the hospital. The exhaustion and fear. The pain. To never be able to take away your childs pain and terror. It's changes you. Maybe forever. The giving up. The let go. The painful surrender to what is. I couldn't fight reality. Everything was out of my hands. The helplessness was extreme.

The attachment to outcom was so painfully real. And I had to let it all go. Over and over again.

Somehow I naively thought I was done when life got easier and my oldest more stable and healthy. The truth is, especially with things your think you want and need, you have to let it go. For real. It's painful. True freedom is to acknowledge my deepest yearing, feel it, hold it and let it go.

Oh yes, so much in me rebells. I deserve happiness. I deserve a good man. I deserve all the good things in life. And I do! I really do. But brut force or wishfull thinking or fantasies doesn't do it.

To surrender it all. To deeply know my worth and trust life and the timing of it all. All in due time. Deep breath