Recalibrate. I'm feeling into a different knowledge and my inner wisdom is speaking clearly. I got push back from Stripe and maybe I can't use their services because of my content. ( PayPal is still available)It makes me aware to yet again feel into what I'm actually is sharing. So much restrictions and censorship makes me want share everything AND it also make me realise that maybe it's okay to not expose myself that much. Maybe the censorship is trying to tell me something? At least my freedom to write is still way more liberating on my blog than on IG.
Anyway I know also now thar my poly days as I know them are over. Twice now I had two very clear and obvious experiences. Twice I had powerful men stepping into my life, wanting to be a part of my life and they ending up giving me promises they can't keep. They both wanted something from me. Maybe it's my wild spirit? Or my unapologetic feminine devotion and softness. They and especially one of them insisted to get closer and closer, and then dropped me. Flat out. Because life happens and his capacity couldn't hold me. I woke up to the Truth. I'm done. I'm done by letting them in. It doesn't matter how powerful, sexy and wild they are. Most men and people in general has a limited capacity. That's human. I have to radically take responsibility for my own life. Like what I can live with in regard to health challenges and lifestyle. I was aware that something inside me nudge me to explore monogamy but life gave me these beautiful poly men. It was to provide clearity. I feel the shift. I'm done being the fantasy, the Whore they can have on the side and tap into when they need to recharge their own sexual power and potency. And to be clear I would love to be at such service if I actually got provided for. My basic needs for love, attention and human connection. I know I'm the Muse and I feel how the Sorceress is strong in me. After all Freya is actually teaching Odin, The Allfather how to use the runes and practical magic. Embodiment is learn from the feminine. I find that fascinating even when I don't understand what it means yet.
So I'm softing into the knowledge that I'm on my own. I'm worthy of love, touch, attention and right now I'm giving it all to myself. I don't want to shut down. I don't want to be super independent boss bitch. I still believe in my soft and honest devotion. I trust my path to surrender to life and that I can submit to the Healthy Masculine in ways that goes beyond my understanding. He provides. I'm safe and held in this strong, masculine container. I can continue to soften and practice to share my feelings and experiences vulnerable and honest. I have no need to do it all on my own. I know I don't have to. I can trust the Healthy Masculine and human connections to show up in ways that I couldn't imagine. I'm opening myself towards people that wants to be there for me, people that have time, capacity and space. People that chooses me even when it's unconvinced and I can safely be myself. I can let go of all my unhealthy patterns of people pleasing to get their approval. We are in this together to provide growth, healing and deep and real connection. Amen.
So I'm staying true. To myself and let life unfolds beautifully. Thank you. I love you
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