Head, heart and pussy. To serve from my knees

I'm truly feeling into sharing more explicit pictures and I'm ambivalent in it. It's pretty amazing to feel how everything has to be real and honest. To pay attention to the itch and to the actual feeling of what I'm doing. I know that I'm adjusting to some big life changes and the prayer that comes through is still the same: Let everything,  every person,  thing, situation including my own limitations that no longer serves me to fall away. To make room to what's support my growth and wellbeing. I still have to live with this open palm, to not holding on too strongly. To tread lightly. Yes of course my nervous system has to adjust to be on my own again after days with intese touch,  fucking and sweet love making. Of course I feel a bit lost and raw. I don't use time to keep it together. I allow myself to feel everything and then to trust deeper. To come back home, to myself. It's not about withdrawing or pushing him away. It's about finding back to my own center. To feel my own feet on the ground. To feel my body and my breathing.

It's huge for me,  this journey back home,  no matter what. To dance, move, feel and landing back into myself. Back home baby girl. I'm so deeply loved and appreciated by him and it's deeply moving and such and honour. And I'm still extremely vulnerable in it all. I'm still so burned. So yes, I know that I still can fool myself and justify that I'm still hiding on different levels. It takes time and it's okay. I'm human and I can just trust the process and the journey in it. To over and over again to be open and let what's ment for me come freely and with ease and all the other stuff is falling away.

So yes, the words, the feeling,  it's coming and I don't believe that I'm going to share too much of those explicit pictures. It's too private,  too much and something is actually holy and sacred between lovers only. So I'm go to honour that and be very sensitive to it. I'll maybe even removing some pictures later. My journey is all about being devoted to what's feels right,  deeply in my body. This isn't about those surface emotions that are ever changing like the weather. This is the deep truth felt in the body. The Oracle. The Knowing. That deep place in me that is home, no matter what.

So is this wonderful,  kinky,  curious man the love of my life? Maybe. Maybe not. It's definitely a honest and real yes right now. The Healthy Masculine always leads me deeper and the lessons are delightful and heart opening with this Transylvanian Wolf. He is a gift that I still can't fully believe arrived on my doorstep. He is medicine. We recognise each other. We have both this deep religious trauma and it's new to me to share that wound. But mostly we are from completely different worlds. His childhood is nothing I can truly understand. His life so far is a life I never could imagine for myself. He has moved, worked and lived all over Europe.

But my body knows him. He feels right and he is so open and transparent. I'm in awe. So I trust the process. I trust my body. I trust the journey. The Healthy Masculine will always lead me closer to the Truth. My duty is to continuously to shredd everything that's stands between me and The Truth. To softly and gently letting go of my fears, wounds and trauma. This journey to trust deeply,  beyond understanding and thinking. So, with him or without him, I am and I'm devoted to this holy path of serving The Healthy Masculine in the world. I kneel down and find my peace there. Thank you. I love you.