For fuck sake!

Yet again another man in a long term relationship is hitting on me. I know him quite well and I'm not surprised. I'm tired. Fed up. Wondering what I'm doing wrong. Or why do married men see or feel my being and actually sharing it with me? This man is up for an affair. No judgement. I know his wife and I know they are quite open minded and free living after decades together. Why do married men have more courage than single men? It's more single people in this country than ever before. Why don't men step up and in? I know I have so much to contribute with. I know I'm a good woman and a good partner. I don't blame, shame or talk/ feel ill about men. But it's frustrating and it makes me sad. What happened? I don't believe it's personal. Not really. Even when it hurts bad to feel that men dont want or don't have the capacity to step up and actually daring to get to know me. Are we so hurt from past relationships or are we just lazy? I'm genuinely curious. I know I'm much in many ways but I'm honest, I own myself and my bigness. I know that frustration and anger aren't taking me anywhere, I just wish I understood where men came from in this. Of course it takes capacity,  will, courage and time. I know that. I'm not worthy your effort,your time and capacity? Isn't taking risks the ultimate testosterone and male behaviour? To dare to take bold actions and transform your life? To explore and dive deep into a intimate relationship? Real, authentic growth?

I do know about pain and heartache. I know the trauma and hurt. But Jesus, when do we got this paralysed? Sitting behind our screens and getting more and more lonely? Get the fucking courage of a married man, wanting a younger woman for and affair. And be single.

Yes it's such a fine line to balance. I really don't want to shame, nag and blame men. Deep down, we are all humans with complex life and history. But for fuck sake! I'm so freaking tired of this. Life is precious, short and why not fill it with good sex, good people and great experiences?

I would love any feedback on this. I'm not much on social media these days. I'm so tired of it. I want real life connections and conversations. But I'll read your DMs if you don't feel comfortable answering in the comments.

Yeah,  I'll remember to breathe. For fuck sake. Yes I'm angry. But more sad actually. I need you and you refuse to take action. That's on you. Deep breath. Finding back to my soft center and trusting life.