Feminine dating

All the opposites that lives inside of me. All the different women in me. All the different ages and stages in me. I kind of stepped down on the intension of dating. Maybe I'm too scared. Maybe I'm fooling myself. Maybe I'm too tired. Maybe it's too much going on. Maybe I'm too vulnerable. Maybe I'm lazy. Maybe I'm making excuses. I'm not sure. I kind of trying to rationalise my yearing or even suppress my romantic and sexual side. And I truly want to not fool myself in either direction. I do want a man. Kind of. I don't know anymore how that could feel and look like. I love my little peaceful life and world. I don't have the capacity to expand. It feels like I'm blooming on so many levels at the moment. I feel at peace, I feel content in my own company. Being with the kids is harmonious and joyful. We are healing together. I'm back working full-time in a couple of weeks and more than ever I feel good about it. My coworkers and bosses are good people. I'm going to be more financially stable and to be able to save more money for travelling and fun.

So yes, something in me feel that my love life is still a thiny seed in the dark ground. Happy to rest in the dead of winter. No rush. No need to hurry. When the sun appear the soil will naturally soften and the seed knows its journey into the upper world. Maybe it's supposed to be this organically and naturally. The truth is, I have never dated from a conscious place. I have never let myself be clear headed and deeply in touch with my body and intuition. I have had so much sex and even great sex. I have explored and experienced so much but it was from a place of survival. I have been hyper sexual and I have no need to shame or judge myself. And! Of course it's different to date now. From a more regulated place in me. We are all on a healing and regulation journey. I know I don't have to be fully healed or regulated before I'm entering a relationship. But I know I can't and won't force anything anymore. I'm blooming and love and devotion are small seeds and buds.

I know how it feels when the sun is defrosting me in the natural world. How I'm slowly undresses. Exposing myself after a long winter. How I love to be naked under the sun in the summer. To watch and feel how nature naturally and organically opens up to the seasons and the sun.

Maybe it's time to connect even deeper to nature, to let her teachs me of the natural cycles of the year. And let that be enough. To date from a feminine place is all about allowing. To lean back. To truly lean back and only opens for the sun. To not rush or chase. I know he is out there. I'm living and enjoying my life. I'm whole. I'm content. I love my life. And I'm willing to expand under the right sun. Amen