Dark, dripping eros

Feminine initiation. Hades. The place and The Dark Lord of the Underworld. I have lived with two different myths about two very different women and Goddess and how they descent into the darkness. I don't claim to understand or know the myths "properly" but I believe in myths as living  stories about my deepest unconscious and subconscious experiences.

Inanna,  Queen of Heaven and Earth. A mature woman of love and war. Her descent is about rescuing her sister. She walks through 7 gates, she is guided by this voice that keeps saying " Quiet, Inanna, the ways of the underworld are perfect.They may not be questioned."

(Wolkstein and Kramer 58-60)

Entering each gate she has to take off a piece of clothing and jewellery ( each one representing different things for her) and in the end she has to give her own life.  I don't know much about the rest of the myth,  but she is given food and her life is returning. She goes back through the gates, receiving what she gave up and enters the Upper World again.

The second woman is just a young girl/godess. Kore. Daughter of the mighty mother Demeter. Kore is young and innocent. She doesn't know much about life. Her mother is watching over her and give her little room to be by herself.

One day the earth is ripped open and Kore is dragged down by tremendous force by The Dark Lord Hades. She is stripped and raped. Demeters grief and rage are making the world cold and dark. Somehow Kore is transformed in the Underworld. She becomes the Queen of Life and Death. She is reborn as Persephone,  The Destroyer of Light. Demeter is making a bargain and Persephone consent to enter the Upper World and give the earth Spring and new life, every year.

What I feel strongly is my own journey. In family life and having a seriously ill child. Everyday life. Predictable and mundane in many ways. Yet the underlying uncertainty of dealing with a chronic illness.

The big and small ego deaths. My willingness to let go of my anxiety, stress, distrust, pride, pity and so one. Every new area and stages of life, different gates and different ways to let go of what ever needs to be letting go of.

And sometimes something or someone is entering my life. Like a lightning bolt on a clear day my world is changed. My son suddenly illness. The pandemic. And for me, on such a personal and vulnerable level. The most clique and stupid thing ever. A man. HIM. My own manifestation of The Dark Lord. It hits different. Like Inanna and Persephone ways are so different. For me this is the different between me and the erotic me. Persephones journey is highly erotic. It's some part of me that still was innocent and not knowing. Me in everyday life is Demeter. The mighty mother. Or Inanna. I knew the darkness as a mother, as a mature woman. As Queen of my Domain. I was masterful. Then, He dragged me down into His delicious dark and primal world. His voice and presence split me open. Open doors in my mind and being. Penetrated by something so unknown and yet something I always was secretly yearing for. My nervous system, my being wasn't ready. In many ways I was raped. Forced open by his dark demands. But something is happening in the darkness. The recovery takes time. Patience. Tenderness and gently letting myself heal from the brut force that destroyed everything I thought I was. His seed is growing inside of me. My own feminine power is transforming it into new life. New opportunities. Masterful and skillful I can walk between worlds. The Dark Eros has given me life in the most unspeakable way. The true, painful, delicious, dripping feminine initiation there is. He made it possible for me to get access to sides of my nature that no other man has. Most men love "my" Demeter or Inanna. The Queen. The capable Mother. A few men dare to take Kore and transform her into Persephone. That's a different kind of masculine power. Because you will hurt, yourself and the woman. It's beyond understanding and common sense. Is a deep journey into the mystical realm. And to be honest,  this man didn't understand it either. When I told him that he destroyed me, he thought I was way far out. Because he don't consciously understand the way of the Underworld. He doesn't understand how he is representing The Dark Lord. But it doesn't matter. The power of the Feminine is to receive his seed and transforming it. To grow into something completely different. He was the catalyst. The incubator. He ripped my world apart. My innocent was stolen. I was crushed. I was destroyed. So many deaths inside of me. It was all necessary for yet again reclaiming my power. To become. To be. The Queen of Life and Death.