Back to the body.. Always

My animal body can't lie. It's so deeply uncomfortable and painful for me to stay radically honest AND still soft and humble. The sub in me isn't responsible in that sense. She just want to please him and serve him. The slut in me want to fuck, wild,  raw and not thinking at all. I thought it was my mind. But it's my body. I have written about it before. About condoms and he said yes to using them. But my body... He hates using it, he feel uncomfortable and my body is responding massively to it. He doesn't understand. Even when he tells me about horses revealing his ego. Even when I tell him it's my animal body feeling unsafe in those strong emotions of his.

Even when he is utterly sensitive. And I don't want to speculate too much. I guess something is working in him too. He claims to love me and a ease and given approach to using condoms is one huge way to make me feel loved,  for real. 

So much feels right with this man and yet again how do I even know? I have never been guided by body like now. Having uncomfortable conversations and speaking from a vulnerable place is not what I'm used to. I thought I was doing this slow. Entering with honesty but maybe I need even slower. Maybe it isn't the right time at all. I'm fully willingly to walk away. My body can't lie and I have to listen so deeply to what it's trying to tell me. To speak honest is the main lesson here. I feel like a true hero. Ready to sacrifice everything and everyone that can't honour my body for real.

I don't want strong boundaries or being a bad bitch standing up for myself. I can only softly and tenderly tell how my body feels and right now it's only room for me and myself. To yet again kneel and obey. This crazy journey of life and honouring myself and the healthy masculine.