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Want to keep in touch?

Had a brief visit back on Instagram and the algorithm has changed. I felt instantly the hook and logged off. I'm obviously been missed and suddenly my count on followers was up. The thing is, I'm done feeling trapped and I'm done living on breadcrumbs on attention and views. In my blog I easily feel that I have to continue to write juicy and sexy. But it's just in my head. If freedom is important to me, if full expression is important to me,  if making space to all of me, I have to stay true to it. It's on me. No one else.

I see a pattern with my romantic relationships. It's a yes AND. I'm in therapy and now I understand how important it is. In my marriage I went silent. Mute. In my 8 years long relationship to the man I adored, my need to express myself got used against me in the end. The man that became my first Dom, shut me down directly by saying he wanted my full expression but when I gave him that, he left me high and dry. I'm not writing this to blame them. It's a pattern. My pattern my responsibility. Not everyone find conversation therapy useful. For me it's essential. I process through talking. I can have spontaneous epiphanies and sudden insights while talking. It's how my brain works. So writing is the next best. With both I have gotten a way more clear view on how I over and over again shut myself down. Shrinking. Because I go to the wrong places. Not everyone or not even the one right in front of me. Life is much and we are all doing our best. So it's so much finding appropriate spaces and places to give myself the opportunity to speak my truth. As fully as possible. That is also why I'm super clear in the comments if I feel the slightest of people trying to give me advice ( without me asking for it) or  people making me feel that I'm too much when I express my anger and rage. I'm not walking up to you on the street and shouting my right to be who I am. You are actually in my space. Voluntarily. Act accordingly. Ask if I want your advice or opinion or your lived experience. Don't assume. I'm not trying to be an ass. But my whole life, I have been shut down by people. Because of their hijacked nervous system. Their trauma and wounds. So check yourself when you are commenting in my private space.

I'm going to give you all my email address. If you want to keep in touch privately. The same is true here. And it shouldn't be necessary but I say it again and read carefully. This is an act of good faith. I don't have sex talks, zero tolerance on dick pics and if you can't respect that you are out. Blocked. On my email and on this blog and site. Get it? It's new for me being so clear and a bit harsh. It doesn't feel good in my system. I hate conflicts. And I know it's necessary for me to practice this. So I'm asking you to truly understand how vulnerable this is for me. This never ending journey to be transparent and real. You actually get access to my most intimate processing. Inside my head. Inside my heart. You get access to the real me. It's tender. It's not easy. I hope I can trust you all.

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Aug 08, 2023


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